Introduction
All of us are occupied with the underlying thought of self-worth throughout our lives. All human pursuits can be traced to the primal objective of increasing one's self-worth. Be it our career, relationships, homes, wealth, recognition, fame or power - all what we constantly seek through such pursuits is an increase in our self -worth.
Why this constant occupation with self-worth ? The feeling of self-worth is very intimately connected to our feeling of well-being. More the self-worth, more is the feeling of joy , happiness and in general a positive state of mind.
In this article, I seek to establish that we have two clear choices in determining our self-worth - we can either determine our self-worth on the basis of our actions and the results of our actions - in which case our self-worth will be a constantly changing (up and down) aspect of our life
OR
We can determine our self-worth as an independent parameter which is infinite ( beyond measurement) all the time and in every situation, unrelated to our actions and the results of these actions and also independent of the opinions of people around us.
Our quality of life fully depends on which approach we take to determine our self-worth - the earlier approach guaranteeing us life-long struggle whereas the later approach guaranteeing us a highest quality of life all through.
What is self-worth ?
We have an innate understanding of our self-worth. It manifest through our thoughts, actions, attitudes and the choices we make in life as well as how we experience life itself.
Self-worth in simple terms is what we think of ourselves at any given time. Do I consider myself worthy of being respected ? Being loved ? Do I measure
up to my own expectations of myself ? If I do, then I feel very worthy. If not, I feel as if my self-worth is zero , or possibly even negative. With negative self-worth, I experience life as a liability and a burden.
Some people have such high levels of negative self-worth that they feel like trashing their own lives though acts of life-destruction such as suicide or acts such as self-neglect or self-torture. They also subject themselves to a constant rant of self-abuse to such an extent that
constantly they want to shut their minds off with the use of alcohol / drugs
On the other hand a person with a very high self-worth considers oneself worthy of love , care and attention and experiences life as a very enjoyable experience in all situations. For such a person there is never any blame to be given or taken.
In general, our experience with self-worth is that it keeps oscillating between high and low, based on external situations almost resulting in a bipolar state of mind. Sometimes I feel at the top of the world and at other times I feel at the bottom of a pit.
How do we determine our self-worth ?
We have some very commonly used parameters that are used to determine our self-worth. In our life-time, the earliest used parameter is parental approval. Other parameters are - academic success, social / peer approval, our possessions, location/size /market value of our home, car that we drive, assets that we own, shape, size and
appearance of our bodies, characteristics of our spouses, income, children's achievements, our social connections, recognitions, professional standing, promotions, increments, and in general what others think of us.
The problem with determining self-worth with all the above parameters is that we are unable to predictably hold a high self-worth most of the times. We feel fully dependent on a complex set of volatile parameters , and our self-worth
wildly changes with these - giving rise to significant
stress, anxiety, insecurity and even depression and in some cases suicidal or violent behaviour
I have no control of what others may think of me,
in spite of all my actions. The value of my assets is subject to the vagaries of market conditions over which I have no control
Thus my life becomes a race against the impossible, in which my pursuits of increasing self-worth is pitted against complex and unpredictable forces which for a significant portion of the time act towards reducing my self-worth.
An alternate approach towards determining self-worth - a clean break from the past
We can conclude that linking our self-worth to a host of external factors is perhaps not the best way of doing it. Is there another way ? Yes there is !
In reality our self-worth is infinite and independent of all worldly parameters such as health, beauty, wealth, power, possessions, achievements etc. We need to wake up to the fact that all of us in reality have
unconditionally infinite self-worth which never changes with time, place or circumstances or with other's opinions. This is the Creator's covenant with us. We are all made with one unconditional and greatest gift ( you can call it as a start-up capital) of all - which is Infinite , never-reducing self-worth.
If we understand this very simple fact - all our struggles in our life are instantly over. We just need not do any thing in order to boost our self-worth , and conversely nothing that we do or don't do, will ever reduce our self-worth. We can just let go our pursuits in this area and really start enjoying life to the fullest extent as one life-long holiday !
